This day holds particular significance to me as it was on this day eight years ago that I decided to take a stand for what I knew what was right… for me. I decided to do something that flew in the face of the society in which I lived. I decided to stop drinking alcohol.

I had had some crazy fun times partying but I had also had crazy bad times… For years leading up to that day I had beaten myself up for not having the strength to stop. I would wake with awful hangovers day after day, promising myself that it would be the last, but it seemed the louder I screamed at myself the morning after, the quicker I would return the next evening.

Then, to almost everyone’s amazement, including my own, after yet another big night, I gave up.
Initially I took it one day at a time but the come down was huge. It took two near-suicidal months to get over the first hill, then like clouds lifting to reveal a glorious sunny day, I began to get a sense of who I really was as a person. I was no longer the angry, frustrated teenager or the 20 something party animal. I was happy and I was calm.

My drinking and partying had been extreme by most normal people’s standards, but it was nowhere near some of the horrors I have witnessed and while I was incredibly fortunate to have the support of loving family and friends, it was me and me alone who actually made the stop.
No AA or NA, no healers and no hiding.

With each passing day my emotional strength grew until I was comfortable going to bars and parties with friends and just drinking water. Strangely, I felt more confident without booze than I had done with it.

Incredibly, I have been able to be without alcohol this whole time, well almost…

This summer, my girlfriend was bugging me to try a glass of wine – “You’re too uptight, you need to relax!” she said – lines I have heard many times before. In the past though, I had put these lines down to people’s own guilt at drinking in the company of a non-drinker, but this time was different. I had recently felt a growing awkwardness at parties and social gatherings and I wanted to fix it. I also knew now, as did she, that I had the emotional strength to stop if I wished. So, at a beautiful wedding in Tuscany, a glass of wine was poured for me at dinner and I accepted.
It tasted great but I only had a couple of sips and then stopped. A few weeks later, on holiday with my family I decided to have a glass of wine a night for the duration of the holiday – nearly two weeks. By the end, the feeling of guilt and mild headaches were far surpassing any pleasure I was getting from the alcohol and so, since my return to Bali last month I have also returned to a life without alcohol and my clarity has been restored.

So technically I didn’t make it to Eight this time around, but in many ways I’m glad I tested the waters and while I have no idea what stresses and strains await my future and how I may react, a non-alcoholic approach to relaxing just feels right for now.

We live in a world where we can surround ourselves with fear and temptation, but like the Chinese, Eight feels lucky to me…  ‘cos I discovered I can dance to the rhythm of my own drum.

Salut!

This will be my last blog post for a while as I focus my time on other pursuits – I hope some of you have enjoyed it and I look forward to revealing my new creative adventures here when they have finished cooking.